I had an email from an old "girlfriend", L, out of the blue today. We have known each other for donkey’s years. We send the odd email a few times a year. She’s a very successful lawyer these days working as a partner in a magic circle firm in London. She married a very sexy Aussie banker last year and is living quite a nice uber life. Her older sister is getting married in September in Brisbane and she has been asked to be her sister’s maiden of honour. And here’s the catch. The best man at the proceedings will be her ex-fiancé, A, whom she left at the alter five years ago. They had been together for 8 years when it happened. It was a huge shock to all of us when L called it off.
Not only will the ex-fiancé be the best man at the wedding but his parents will be there as well. L is not exactly their favourite person. They watched their son have a complete nervous breakdown following the break up and make a very slow recovery. A has only started working full time again in the last year and apparently has just started seeing someone recently. Strangely L’s sister met her future husband (who is obviously one of A’s best mates) quite some time after L broke it off with A.
L reckons she is going to do it. I think she’s mad. Sister or not, there is no way I would do it. I could barely go to the reception let alone be partnered in the wedding party to the person whose life I practically destroyed. Call me weak but I’d rather be thrown off a cliff. There is only so many times a person can ask forgiveness for something that could not be avoided and only so many times the other person can ask why. And at no time can a satisfactory answer be given.
Arena at the moment is screening the Aidan years of Sex and the City. I was watching the episode tonight where Carrie is trying to get back with Aidan after they’ve been apart for some time. They broke up because she cheated on Aidan with Big. She sees him out of the blue and in panicked confusion she thinks she wants to get back with him when in fact she just wants his forgiveness. She pursues him and goes around to his flat and puts it out there:
Carrie: Aidan I want to get back with you. I miss you. I want us to be together.
Aidan looks shocked, stares and shakes his head.
Aidan: I’m sorry Carrie. I didn’t realise you felt this way but it can’t happen.
Carrie then carries on (pardon the pun) saying how great they were together and what a nice guy he is etc etc.
Aidan continues to stare and then screams:
YOU BROKE MY HEART !!!!!
Carrie sprints away running down the street because what can she say? Nothing; she did break his heart and there is not a thing she can do to put it back together.
This is one of the most powerful scenes in the series and still sends a jolt up my spine every time I see it; Aidan’s “in cold blood” accusation and Carrie’s flee of guilt. Case closed. I’ve beat myself up quite a bit over the years about past relationships where my behaviour had been less than stellar. In my late twenties (and early early 30s) I regressed to the personality of a giddy teenage girl. I didn’t know what I wanted. I still don’t but back then, I just kept grabbing people and taking them along for the ride. For a while I attempted to pursue friendships with ex’s which really were nothing but a subconscious selfish bid for forgiveness. These days I keep to myself. Some things, particularly bad break ups and those involved are best left to the confessional that is the past.
Not only will the ex-fiancé be the best man at the wedding but his parents will be there as well. L is not exactly their favourite person. They watched their son have a complete nervous breakdown following the break up and make a very slow recovery. A has only started working full time again in the last year and apparently has just started seeing someone recently. Strangely L’s sister met her future husband (who is obviously one of A’s best mates) quite some time after L broke it off with A.
L reckons she is going to do it. I think she’s mad. Sister or not, there is no way I would do it. I could barely go to the reception let alone be partnered in the wedding party to the person whose life I practically destroyed. Call me weak but I’d rather be thrown off a cliff. There is only so many times a person can ask forgiveness for something that could not be avoided and only so many times the other person can ask why. And at no time can a satisfactory answer be given.
Arena at the moment is screening the Aidan years of Sex and the City. I was watching the episode tonight where Carrie is trying to get back with Aidan after they’ve been apart for some time. They broke up because she cheated on Aidan with Big. She sees him out of the blue and in panicked confusion she thinks she wants to get back with him when in fact she just wants his forgiveness. She pursues him and goes around to his flat and puts it out there:
Carrie: Aidan I want to get back with you. I miss you. I want us to be together.
Aidan looks shocked, stares and shakes his head.
Aidan: I’m sorry Carrie. I didn’t realise you felt this way but it can’t happen.
Carrie then carries on (pardon the pun) saying how great they were together and what a nice guy he is etc etc.
Aidan continues to stare and then screams:
YOU BROKE MY HEART !!!!!
Carrie sprints away running down the street because what can she say? Nothing; she did break his heart and there is not a thing she can do to put it back together.
This is one of the most powerful scenes in the series and still sends a jolt up my spine every time I see it; Aidan’s “in cold blood” accusation and Carrie’s flee of guilt. Case closed. I’ve beat myself up quite a bit over the years about past relationships where my behaviour had been less than stellar. In my late twenties (and early early 30s) I regressed to the personality of a giddy teenage girl. I didn’t know what I wanted. I still don’t but back then, I just kept grabbing people and taking them along for the ride. For a while I attempted to pursue friendships with ex’s which really were nothing but a subconscious selfish bid for forgiveness. These days I keep to myself. Some things, particularly bad break ups and those involved are best left to the confessional that is the past.
C
3 comments:
The last sentence of that post puts it damn more eloquently than I've ever heard.....:) You're quite right. I'm still reeling from a 6 year relationship, and find myself still trying to pursue a friendship for some weird forgiveness...... ???
My most poignant SATC moment was when Carrie walked into a bar with her friends and in the distance saw BIG talking to some girl - the scene slowed and the sound of a thumping heartbeat played out while the moment was digested - that happened to me years ago back in Ireland and when I saw it on tv - it brought it all back to me again....
Love the new look to the blog too dear :-)
One of my closest friend's met her now husband through their work. At the time he was only weeks away from marrying his fiancée and he was having an affair with my friend. He knew that it didn't feel right marrying this woman so he ended it. Years later the woman that he jilted would "thank" him for ending it.
When it doesn't feel right then it's probably not.
I think its' great that this woman got to a place in her life that she realised that he did her "a favour". So many people continue along a path that is wrong for them (and don't I know it).
Today, when I see my friend with her hubby I cannot imagine them with any other person. Maybe it is time that you forgave yourself instead of looking for the ex partner's forgiveness.
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