Just got back from dinner with girls I used to work with in my last job. We're a pretty close unit and the five of us have been through a few ups and downs in the time we've known each other. We catch up every coupla mths for a noice meal except this time it was different and just a little too unushual.We went to this new vietnamese restaurant near my place....usually it's just us ....no partners or potentials or anythings in between are invited; we usually sink a few cocktails, dance around our handbags and go home. This time it was a little different. For starters, none of us were drinking....we've all got Sat morning things planned so apart from a couple of beers at a nearby pub, we were on our diet cokes. Secondly one of the girls, T, brought this new bloke she's seeing who was to put it bluntly one shandy short of horrendous. Late 40s, face like a camel and thought it was fun to call the waiters "ching chong". And then there were the stories of him taking his kids out to his horse stud to see the stallions with the big "dongers". And that was before mains were served. Then there were stories of how he just shagged T before dinner and he hadn't wiped the cum off his hands......followed by jokes about "boongs" (Australian slang for Aboriginal people). If I had a bottle of gin or a hit of heroin nearby I could have handled him .....but unfortunately I didn't and am afraid Diet Coke just doesn't give a big enough hit of tolerance. I simply had 85 cigarette breaks instead......and looked forward to the food ...which lead to the next disaster.
I ordered pork. I love vietnamese pork. I love how it is caramelised with lemmongrass and butter and melts in your mouth. My dish arrived as did everyone else's. It was noice but not brilliant. There were also two other items in the bowl which I couldn't quite work out. They looked like brown boiled eggs. I shared my views with the table. Everyone agreed. I consumed half of one and realised pretty quickly that it was NOT an egg. It may have been yellow but it certainly did not come out of any chook. I start to munch on it and realised the texture was quite meaty but like mash. As I am doing this camel face starts poking at the remaining half.
" Mate that's definitely no egg"
"Mate you know what you're eating...." He starts to burst out laughing.
"Mate you're eating bloody pig's bollocks!"
" MATE YOU'RE EATING BOLLOCKS....THEY'VE GIVEN YOU BOLLOCKS!"
C
I ordered pork. I love vietnamese pork. I love how it is caramelised with lemmongrass and butter and melts in your mouth. My dish arrived as did everyone else's. It was noice but not brilliant. There were also two other items in the bowl which I couldn't quite work out. They looked like brown boiled eggs. I shared my views with the table. Everyone agreed. I consumed half of one and realised pretty quickly that it was NOT an egg. It may have been yellow but it certainly did not come out of any chook. I start to munch on it and realised the texture was quite meaty but like mash. As I am doing this camel face starts poking at the remaining half.
" Mate that's definitely no egg"
"Mate you know what you're eating...." He starts to burst out laughing.
"Mate you're eating bloody pig's bollocks!"
" MATE YOU'RE EATING BOLLOCKS....THEY'VE GIVEN YOU BOLLOCKS!"
C
4 comments:
What a nightmare!
Perhaps it's an idea to enrol the guy in some kind of culture and etiquette class?!
I admire your patience with Camel. I would have made him eat that bollocks
Oh my! Though, given your leanings, one would assume you'd be quite familiar with bollocks and be able to spot them in an instant... ;-)
Having knowingly (and stupidly) ordered and eaten goat bollocks in Mexico, I can safely say that if you had managed to put it in your mouth and keep it down, it probably wasn't bollocks (or you have an exceptional constitution).
In case you are curious...it was mushy and tasted very much like the smell of a wet goat.
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