NUTS

In the last 24 hours, I've misplaced two train tickets, my work pass, my house keys and my mobile phone. This has caused me to have countless bi-polar moments resulting in arguments with myself. I am certain that our neighbour across from our apartment is convinced that three people live in number 8 instead of two due to the number of rows I have upon on my own person with no one else in the room.


"where have you put it John?"

"You haven't put it in it's right place have you?"

"why can't you make things simple?"

"why do u always do this"

"can't you just get your act together

"why! why! why!"
The dialogue is even scarier when I start answering back my own cross-examination. This is followed by the throwing of numerous inanimate objects blaming them for the disappearance of the missing item. I will then turn to religion and blame God for everything in the hope that God may produce the sort after object. Call it tough love if you will. These moments of absolute demented frustration seem to develop fantastical beliefs in my psyche that there are indeed fairies, leprechauns and angels deliberately stealing my things and making life very difficult. The truth of the matter is of course that I am a hopelessly disorganised unfortunate who could not find his way out of a paper bag without losing the paper bag first. On the day God was handing out the Organising & Tidying Genes, I was out at Happy Hour having a martini.