Well write me a cheque, call me an ambulance and fetch the butler, I've finally become a blogger. After much harassment from friends (thank you Kevin dear), I am finally going to share with the world whatever bloggers are supposed to share......such as visits to shop, when one cleans the toilet, arguments with elderly neighbours and prayers for Britney. As of December 2007, according to Technorati, there are now 120 million blogs in the world growing at an enormous "you simply have to have one" rate every day. As per usual I am always falling behind with all the modcons. I didn't get a hotmail account until 1999, I got my first laptop last year, my television is still three dimensional and I still don't have an ipod.....let alone music files etc etc. I'm surprised I have electricity. I developed the modconphobia from my mother who didn't purchase a mircowave until the 21st Century as she was convinced she would die from radioactive poisoning if she did. I used to be mortified as a child when I had friends over and my mother would warm up our TV dinners in the oven and then would go on to explain to my friends they were all going to die of cancer because their mothers used micowaves. My grandmother never had a washing machine and used a boiler (yes a giant saucepan) to wash her clothes until the day she died (2001). Washing used to take three weeks.
So here I am. It has been on my 2008 "to do" list....which I guess leads me to my topic today; that sounds very formal doesn't it? Is that how it works? I feel like I am about to present end of year sales figures. Well actually maybe before I discuss my topic (new year's resolutions....how surprising), I should tell you a little something about myeslf and why I have decided to start a blog which I guess will lead to my topic. Oh my god. Listen to me. Just call me Circle. Anyhoo.
So yeah. My name is John Cahill. I am lawyer and I live and work in Sydney. I'm originally from Brisbane, Queensland. I came to Sydney for a two week holiday and then woops, 7 years later, I'm still here. I live with my brother, Shamus in Dulwich Hill. He's a lawyer as well....although he can read english...so he does a lot better than me.
So what's with the name of the blog? Who the hell is Colin you say? Well all my life I've rarely been known by my actual name. As a kid I was called John B because my favourite character out of the television show, The Waltons was....yes you guessed it....John Boy Walton. I think it was because he had a mole on the same part of his face as I do. Anyway as a littel kid for some reason I had trouble saying the name boy, I could only say the letter 'b'. Hence the name John B was born and ever since then I've been known in my family and close friends as that name. Then shortly after I came out (not a box), Christopher, one of my closest friends christened me Margaret after my wearing a particularly disastrous cowboy costume involving denim hot pants to his and mine combined 21st/26th birthday parties. He claimed that I looked like Maggie Taberra much to my abhorence; considering I was supposed to be a sexy hot cowboy, to be likened to an australian fashion icon who is known for wearing drapes didn't exactly do wonders for my ego....not to mention I don't recall Maggie Taberra ever wearing denim hotpants. So from then on I was known to a select group of homosexuals as Margaret but now the name has morphed into it's latest formation; Colin Margaret; or (crazy wild) just Colin. How so? Well the night I first met one of my best friends, Paul, we drank a ridiculous amount of soda and vodka and proceeded to impersonate Judy Davis (still Australia's best actress) and Colin Friels (one of Australia's best actors; in case u don't know; they're married) having a fight at a dinner party. To put things in context, it had been the week that Judy Davis had taken an AVO against Colin Friels for a domestic dispute. I don't know whether it was the soda (with the vodka) but for some reason we found it hilariously funny to scream at each other all night, Paul playing Judy; myself playing Colin:
Judy : That was a very expensive vace Colin
Paul : Fuck you Judy!!!
And then we proceeded to strangle each other. Good times. It was a case of 'really you had to be there'. Mind you even the people who were there, didn't get it and told the bouncers to remove us.....Paul and I though laughed and laughed and proceeded with the impersonations all night successfully getting kicked out of every club on oxford street. We've been best friends ever since and are now known as Colin and Judy. Special.
So hence the name Thoroughly Modern Colin; obviously it's a play on the musical/movie Thoroughly Modern Milie (starring Julie Andrews) which strangely I've actually never seen (good god I can hear the theatre queens screaming from here). It is on my to do list along with seeing Predator.
So why a blog? Well apart from my dearest friend Kevin hassling me about writing one (" Dear you simply have to start one; it has been the best thing" I thought he was talking about a vege patch at first), I am wanting to start writing again. I am always claiming to be this frustrated writer etc etc and I never actually write anything. I kept a diary when I was a young boy and as a teengager and I wrote a lot of poetry and short stories. And then I stopped at 17 and a part from the odd creative writing summer course, I've done nothing! So turning the Jesus year in November (does everyone get that? the jesus year? 33...the year Jesus died on the cross), it was time to start doing some writing and I thought a blog which is akin to an on-line diary would help my creative juices. I've had an idea for a novel for a while (doesn't every lawyer?) and it's one of my New Year's Resolutions to start it......
Ah....we've finally made it.....New Year's Resolutions: these are mine:
Colin's New Year's Resolutions are:
1. Give Up Smoking
2. Save money
3. Stop going out all night
4. Stop Dancing with Strange Men
(2,3 & 4 are all extricably linked)
5.Do more interesting weekend activities such as walking in the national park; going to the beach (this of course is directly linked to the successful implementation of numbers of 2,3 & 4 which normally lead to me missing these activities on a weekend).
6. Lose Weight
7. Start Blog
8. Start Novel
9. Finish Masters
Colin's Review of New Year's Resolutions (Success Rate) Thus Far Being 12 January 2008
1. Give Up Smoking
A complete disaster as it is every year. I remember my grandfather saying many years ago "I wish I'd never started'. And I wish I hadn't. Yes all the things my mother said to me about smoking "Don't ever start. You will regret it. It is so stupid".....it echos every time I have a cigarette. The ridiculous thing is I didn't really start smoking properly until I was 27 (apart from with the odd beer)......yes I did say am always late picking up all the modcons........these include cancer creating habits. So yes resolution number one (as it is every year) is a complete failure. I'm going to buy that book by Dr what'shisface.
2. Save Money
Mmmmm. Best to read response to number 3. Not yet. Next pay or the pay after that. Although am wanting to go to Vegas and NYC this year. It must happen!
3.Stop going out all night
Complete disaster. Been back from my month break overseas and thus far both friday nights have ended up being well and trully saturday morning and in fact the last friday night ended up being all day saturday on a mate's boat on the harbour....which was very nice....and kind of justified the night before as I most likely would not have gone on the boat trip otherwise. I always find a way of justifying it! It all of course leads to me not achieving resolution number 2. Lets see how the next month goes.
4. Stop dancing with strange men
This is almost impossible in Sydney but I thought I would give it a fair crack. Well I managed to avoid all strange men and even dancing with them Friday night.....which is a miracle to say the least. I'll call the vatican. The Friday night the week before however (my first week back in Sydney after holidays) was a complete disaster. It's too long a story to go into but needless to say I did more than just dance with a strange man. At 7 in the morning at the Oxford the following saturday having a 'thank god the night is finally ending' ale (as one does) with the strange man after spending all night pursuing strange man knowing that strange man was indeed strange because I'd actually been with strange man before. Strange man has some sort of mental meltdown and is convinced that manager of oxford just tried to shoot him. Strange Man starts screaming at the manager demanding that someone call the police. Strange Man hauled out of Oxford by bouncers. I'd like to say it was all very Soprano's......but it was more like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. So yes resolution number 4 is a work in progress.
5.Lose Weight
My body retains calaries like the Hoover Dam retains water....I'm thoroughly convinced that my body still thinks it is in the ice age and accordingly retains every single calorie that arrives on its doorstep. I got my weight down to 92 kilos prior to my summer break; I lost 15 kilos in 8 weeks. Worked my arse off at the gym for three months; avoided fats, carbs..generally just soups.....i ate like a convict on the first fleet. I have a month off in December....went to Thailand and New Zealand...am now 102 kilos...ten kilos in a month!Arghhh.
So yes it's back to gym and back to soup.....but i can't face soup in 40 degree weather...so it will be salads, fruit and protein shakes. I can hardly wait.
So here I am. It has been on my 2008 "to do" list....which I guess leads me to my topic today; that sounds very formal doesn't it? Is that how it works? I feel like I am about to present end of year sales figures. Well actually maybe before I discuss my topic (new year's resolutions....how surprising), I should tell you a little something about myeslf and why I have decided to start a blog which I guess will lead to my topic. Oh my god. Listen to me. Just call me Circle. Anyhoo.
So yeah. My name is John Cahill. I am lawyer and I live and work in Sydney. I'm originally from Brisbane, Queensland. I came to Sydney for a two week holiday and then woops, 7 years later, I'm still here. I live with my brother, Shamus in Dulwich Hill. He's a lawyer as well....although he can read english...so he does a lot better than me.
So what's with the name of the blog? Who the hell is Colin you say? Well all my life I've rarely been known by my actual name. As a kid I was called John B because my favourite character out of the television show, The Waltons was....yes you guessed it....John Boy Walton. I think it was because he had a mole on the same part of his face as I do. Anyway as a littel kid for some reason I had trouble saying the name boy, I could only say the letter 'b'. Hence the name John B was born and ever since then I've been known in my family and close friends as that name. Then shortly after I came out (not a box), Christopher, one of my closest friends christened me Margaret after my wearing a particularly disastrous cowboy costume involving denim hot pants to his and mine combined 21st/26th birthday parties. He claimed that I looked like Maggie Taberra much to my abhorence; considering I was supposed to be a sexy hot cowboy, to be likened to an australian fashion icon who is known for wearing drapes didn't exactly do wonders for my ego....not to mention I don't recall Maggie Taberra ever wearing denim hotpants. So from then on I was known to a select group of homosexuals as Margaret but now the name has morphed into it's latest formation; Colin Margaret; or (crazy wild) just Colin. How so? Well the night I first met one of my best friends, Paul, we drank a ridiculous amount of soda and vodka and proceeded to impersonate Judy Davis (still Australia's best actress) and Colin Friels (one of Australia's best actors; in case u don't know; they're married) having a fight at a dinner party. To put things in context, it had been the week that Judy Davis had taken an AVO against Colin Friels for a domestic dispute. I don't know whether it was the soda (with the vodka) but for some reason we found it hilariously funny to scream at each other all night, Paul playing Judy; myself playing Colin:
Judy : That was a very expensive vace Colin
Paul : Fuck you Judy!!!
And then we proceeded to strangle each other. Good times. It was a case of 'really you had to be there'. Mind you even the people who were there, didn't get it and told the bouncers to remove us.....Paul and I though laughed and laughed and proceeded with the impersonations all night successfully getting kicked out of every club on oxford street. We've been best friends ever since and are now known as Colin and Judy. Special.
So hence the name Thoroughly Modern Colin; obviously it's a play on the musical/movie Thoroughly Modern Milie (starring Julie Andrews) which strangely I've actually never seen (good god I can hear the theatre queens screaming from here). It is on my to do list along with seeing Predator.
So why a blog? Well apart from my dearest friend Kevin hassling me about writing one (" Dear you simply have to start one; it has been the best thing" I thought he was talking about a vege patch at first), I am wanting to start writing again. I am always claiming to be this frustrated writer etc etc and I never actually write anything. I kept a diary when I was a young boy and as a teengager and I wrote a lot of poetry and short stories. And then I stopped at 17 and a part from the odd creative writing summer course, I've done nothing! So turning the Jesus year in November (does everyone get that? the jesus year? 33...the year Jesus died on the cross), it was time to start doing some writing and I thought a blog which is akin to an on-line diary would help my creative juices. I've had an idea for a novel for a while (doesn't every lawyer?) and it's one of my New Year's Resolutions to start it......
Ah....we've finally made it.....New Year's Resolutions: these are mine:
Colin's New Year's Resolutions are:
1. Give Up Smoking
2. Save money
3. Stop going out all night
4. Stop Dancing with Strange Men
(2,3 & 4 are all extricably linked)
5.Do more interesting weekend activities such as walking in the national park; going to the beach (this of course is directly linked to the successful implementation of numbers of 2,3 & 4 which normally lead to me missing these activities on a weekend).
6. Lose Weight
7. Start Blog
8. Start Novel
9. Finish Masters
Colin's Review of New Year's Resolutions (Success Rate) Thus Far Being 12 January 2008
1. Give Up Smoking
A complete disaster as it is every year. I remember my grandfather saying many years ago "I wish I'd never started'. And I wish I hadn't. Yes all the things my mother said to me about smoking "Don't ever start. You will regret it. It is so stupid".....it echos every time I have a cigarette. The ridiculous thing is I didn't really start smoking properly until I was 27 (apart from with the odd beer)......yes I did say am always late picking up all the modcons........these include cancer creating habits. So yes resolution number one (as it is every year) is a complete failure. I'm going to buy that book by Dr what'shisface.
2. Save Money
Mmmmm. Best to read response to number 3. Not yet. Next pay or the pay after that. Although am wanting to go to Vegas and NYC this year. It must happen!
3.Stop going out all night
Complete disaster. Been back from my month break overseas and thus far both friday nights have ended up being well and trully saturday morning and in fact the last friday night ended up being all day saturday on a mate's boat on the harbour....which was very nice....and kind of justified the night before as I most likely would not have gone on the boat trip otherwise. I always find a way of justifying it! It all of course leads to me not achieving resolution number 2. Lets see how the next month goes.
4. Stop dancing with strange men
This is almost impossible in Sydney but I thought I would give it a fair crack. Well I managed to avoid all strange men and even dancing with them Friday night.....which is a miracle to say the least. I'll call the vatican. The Friday night the week before however (my first week back in Sydney after holidays) was a complete disaster. It's too long a story to go into but needless to say I did more than just dance with a strange man. At 7 in the morning at the Oxford the following saturday having a 'thank god the night is finally ending' ale (as one does) with the strange man after spending all night pursuing strange man knowing that strange man was indeed strange because I'd actually been with strange man before. Strange man has some sort of mental meltdown and is convinced that manager of oxford just tried to shoot him. Strange Man starts screaming at the manager demanding that someone call the police. Strange Man hauled out of Oxford by bouncers. I'd like to say it was all very Soprano's......but it was more like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. So yes resolution number 4 is a work in progress.
5.Lose Weight
My body retains calaries like the Hoover Dam retains water....I'm thoroughly convinced that my body still thinks it is in the ice age and accordingly retains every single calorie that arrives on its doorstep. I got my weight down to 92 kilos prior to my summer break; I lost 15 kilos in 8 weeks. Worked my arse off at the gym for three months; avoided fats, carbs..generally just soups.....i ate like a convict on the first fleet. I have a month off in December....went to Thailand and New Zealand...am now 102 kilos...ten kilos in a month!Arghhh.
So yes it's back to gym and back to soup.....but i can't face soup in 40 degree weather...so it will be salads, fruit and protein shakes. I can hardly wait.
6. Start Blog: tick!
7. Start novel: started structure....so kind of tick. Just don't ask me what it is about.
8. Finish my masters : Have been doing my masters in law at Sydney Uni for the last three years. It has been a complete nightmare and I've hated every living second of it and I can't wait for it to end. My friends hate it as well as they've had to put up with my extreme procrastination (I seem to be getting better at it every year) when it comes to completing assignments each semester. It has been like a constantly recurring rash. Anyway I handed in my final paper for the second last subject on wednesday. This was after discovering Saturday morning (following the escape of the strange man at the Oxford) that my car had been broken into and my backpack (i thought secure in the boot of the car) stolen. My backpack of course contained all the research I had for this particular paper due on the Monday just gone.Super. So I found myself at 8 in the morning running around the streets of Surry Hills looking in people's rubbish bins hoping to find my abandoned backpack;such a great look. Alas no backpack was found and I had to do all the research again....and write the 5 thousand words required....all done by Wednesday after asking my lecturer for yet another extension. I have no idea what i wrote. I just hope I pass.
Oh my god, if you've made it to the end of this, you need to get a life because this is way too long. Thanks for reading and write me a cheque.
C
2 comments:
I am so impressed. This means you actually DO listen to me. Even tho I understand you typed this naked on some chippy's laptop on a yacht bobbing about in Obelisk bay on Saturday. Who's to judge?
I read it and I thought it was funny. Are you sure law is what you really want to do?
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