Ah a nice bottle of Rose, a steamy Sydney afternoon, Britney’s wonderfully trashy album (Blackout…so fantastically nuts….I think she recorded it in her car) purring in the background and my laptop….what more can a thoroughly modern homosexual want? A hot lover, a house by the sea, a trust fund, a waist line….don’t get me started. Still….I’ve got a mighty fine feeling. I love Sydney in Summer….particularly on a late Friday arvo. A rusty sunset, a ‘just right’ humidity and people leaving the week that was, cruising off to their various dinner commitments. It is always the beginning of something new; fresh with no mistakes.
But what a week; what a two weeks? Corey Delaney and Heath Ledger dominated the headlines for all the wrong reasons. Corey “what’s with those sunglasses” Delaney threw a party and accidentally invited 800 of his closest friends along with 100 police and two helicopters. Why don’t my parties ever turn out like that? All I can say is that it has been an absolute roaring success. The kid dominated every headline in the country (not to mention CNN and BBC) for a week pushing such hilarious topics as world recession, the worst financial crisis since World War II and how do u solve a problem like Palestine into second place. Yes Mr Delaney is a brat but didn’t he do it well? He didn’t try to pretend to be anything else and he had every tin-pot media agency running around him like he was Britney Spears. Now he has a manager and is about to do a party tour. I love 21st Century living.
And Heath Ledger is dead. My god the swiftness of life; I was munching on my sultana bran preparing thyself for the day ahead watching Lisa Wilkinson (on Today dressed in something off the set of Sons and Daughters…who on earth is styling that woman?) when she suddenly announced the news. So sad; and to think his poor parents found out listening to the radio. It’s every parent’s nightmare…..their child dead on the other side of the world and there is nothing they can do about it. In all honesty though I didn’t get what the fuss was over Heath as an actor. None of his stuff ever grabbed me and I’m probably the only queen on the planet who didn’t get Brokeback Mountain. I thought the acting (not to mention the makeup) was very Dallas and Eenis was like a character off the Beverly Hill Billies. Having said that though, I admired Heath’s guts and determination. He left his home in sleepy old Perth at the age of 16 and moved to Sydney then Hollywood to pursue his dreams. That’s gutsy. Yeah a lot of people have done it and are still waiting on tables but I admire them all. I’ve never had the balls to do it. The closest I ever got to being an actor was practising my Oscar acceptance speech with a Rexona bottle and pretending I was being interviewed by Ray Martin. I have nothing else to say (as the man is dead) other than from now on I am doing as my title suggests. Rest in peace sweet Heath.
Meanwhile my new year’s resolutions are akin to the Middle East peace process; a complete disaster. Yes I know I use those words too much but it is the only description worthy of their present state. Last weekend started off well. I went out Friday night and didn’t drink. God it is so boring but I managed. The trouble is without the dopiness of grog, one realises that one is simply standing in a room looking at others standing in a room struggling to maintain conversation over music blaring so loud that it can be heard in Brazil waiting for….what….the love of your life, a horrifying root? WHY AM I HERE? This kept echoing in my mind and after I spent 50 bucks on lemonade and smoked 20 other people’s cigarettes, I decided I wanted neither and took myself home…..by 1….in the am….which was nice for a change. I had a very productive Saturday. The exterminator finally decided to turn up (don’t ask…it’s a Colleen McCullough novel), fumigated and pied piped all the cockroaches away. I laundered all day, had my friend Rasha over for lunch and met friends from my Thai trip for dinner at Malaya at King Street Wharf. Grand. And I was home in bed by 1am. No dancing with strange men; tick; no drinking excessively; tick; only two cigarettes; kind of tick; stop going out all night; definitely tick! What a roaring success I thought. A definite pat on the back. And then I got a phone call from Judy…….. (Dangerous! Dangerous!)
An early Sunday morning breakfast was in order he demanded. Indeed it was I thought. So at 6 in the am I arose (strange feeling for me on a Sunday as I am usually still dancing), threw the gym bag in car and went to pick up Judy from Potts Point. A nice breakfast. The first thing Judy said when he got in the car was ‘Oxford?”. Without a blink, I drove straight to the strip and within minutes I was in the Oxford having breakfast…..a vodka lime and soda. Breakfast turned into lunch turned into dinner turned into a…….COMPLETE DISASTER.
Conversation of the day: Phoenix : 1pm
Judy :
“ Colin what the hell are we doing?”
Colin
“ You’re trying to pash that intoxicated Lebanese teenager and I’m madly chasing this Indian.”
Judy
“Right. Vodka and Dry?”
Colin
“Giddyup.”
HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY EVERYONE!
C
But what a week; what a two weeks? Corey Delaney and Heath Ledger dominated the headlines for all the wrong reasons. Corey “what’s with those sunglasses” Delaney threw a party and accidentally invited 800 of his closest friends along with 100 police and two helicopters. Why don’t my parties ever turn out like that? All I can say is that it has been an absolute roaring success. The kid dominated every headline in the country (not to mention CNN and BBC) for a week pushing such hilarious topics as world recession, the worst financial crisis since World War II and how do u solve a problem like Palestine into second place. Yes Mr Delaney is a brat but didn’t he do it well? He didn’t try to pretend to be anything else and he had every tin-pot media agency running around him like he was Britney Spears. Now he has a manager and is about to do a party tour. I love 21st Century living.
And Heath Ledger is dead. My god the swiftness of life; I was munching on my sultana bran preparing thyself for the day ahead watching Lisa Wilkinson (on Today dressed in something off the set of Sons and Daughters…who on earth is styling that woman?) when she suddenly announced the news. So sad; and to think his poor parents found out listening to the radio. It’s every parent’s nightmare…..their child dead on the other side of the world and there is nothing they can do about it. In all honesty though I didn’t get what the fuss was over Heath as an actor. None of his stuff ever grabbed me and I’m probably the only queen on the planet who didn’t get Brokeback Mountain. I thought the acting (not to mention the makeup) was very Dallas and Eenis was like a character off the Beverly Hill Billies. Having said that though, I admired Heath’s guts and determination. He left his home in sleepy old Perth at the age of 16 and moved to Sydney then Hollywood to pursue his dreams. That’s gutsy. Yeah a lot of people have done it and are still waiting on tables but I admire them all. I’ve never had the balls to do it. The closest I ever got to being an actor was practising my Oscar acceptance speech with a Rexona bottle and pretending I was being interviewed by Ray Martin. I have nothing else to say (as the man is dead) other than from now on I am doing as my title suggests. Rest in peace sweet Heath.
Meanwhile my new year’s resolutions are akin to the Middle East peace process; a complete disaster. Yes I know I use those words too much but it is the only description worthy of their present state. Last weekend started off well. I went out Friday night and didn’t drink. God it is so boring but I managed. The trouble is without the dopiness of grog, one realises that one is simply standing in a room looking at others standing in a room struggling to maintain conversation over music blaring so loud that it can be heard in Brazil waiting for….what….the love of your life, a horrifying root? WHY AM I HERE? This kept echoing in my mind and after I spent 50 bucks on lemonade and smoked 20 other people’s cigarettes, I decided I wanted neither and took myself home…..by 1….in the am….which was nice for a change. I had a very productive Saturday. The exterminator finally decided to turn up (don’t ask…it’s a Colleen McCullough novel), fumigated and pied piped all the cockroaches away. I laundered all day, had my friend Rasha over for lunch and met friends from my Thai trip for dinner at Malaya at King Street Wharf. Grand. And I was home in bed by 1am. No dancing with strange men; tick; no drinking excessively; tick; only two cigarettes; kind of tick; stop going out all night; definitely tick! What a roaring success I thought. A definite pat on the back. And then I got a phone call from Judy…….. (Dangerous! Dangerous!)
An early Sunday morning breakfast was in order he demanded. Indeed it was I thought. So at 6 in the am I arose (strange feeling for me on a Sunday as I am usually still dancing), threw the gym bag in car and went to pick up Judy from Potts Point. A nice breakfast. The first thing Judy said when he got in the car was ‘Oxford?”. Without a blink, I drove straight to the strip and within minutes I was in the Oxford having breakfast…..a vodka lime and soda. Breakfast turned into lunch turned into dinner turned into a…….COMPLETE DISASTER.
Conversation of the day: Phoenix : 1pm
Judy :
“ Colin what the hell are we doing?”
Colin
“ You’re trying to pash that intoxicated Lebanese teenager and I’m madly chasing this Indian.”
Judy
“Right. Vodka and Dry?”
Colin
“Giddyup.”
HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY EVERYONE!
C
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