I am so exhausted. The gay silly season in Sydney is upon us in full swing. There is hotpant and disco in the air everywhere you turn……yes for those of you who live in a cave, the first weekend in March for the last 30 years, Sydney's Oxford street has been transformed into the Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras….and as mentioned in my previous entries, a mate and myself are entering a float.
It all started over "u know what we should really do" conversation over our venna schnitzel and salad one Tuesday night at the Court House Hotel Bistro (they italicize because they can). I said to Trev that considering it was the 30th Anniversary of Mardi Gras "we should do something!". I dunno….a horse tail platted quilt? From there we went from headlines to Britney to hummers to limousines to paparazzi to a cast of 30 people…….to the Gimme Gimme Britney Float: a tribute (I use the term very loosely) to the car crash that is Britney Spears.
Basically we have 9 (there maybe 20 by the time we get to the parade) incarnations of Britney Spears
School Girl Britney (played by Trev….of course)
Toxic Air Hostess Britney
Wedding Dress Britney
Oops Britney (in the red cat suit)
Straight Jacket Britney (no explanation needed there)
Pink Wig 711 Trash Britney (played in all short denim skirt glory by myself)
MTV Losing the Plot Britney (the disastrous MTV performance from last year
Bald Basher Britney with Brolly
Track Suit Britney with Baby
Are you exhausted yet?
Surrounded by those 9 Britneys are 20 paparazzi hounding her every move. It all sounds pretty simple but the closer we get to the actual event (this Saturday night at 7.45pm) the more and more logistics there seem to be. There's choreography (Mike Walsh meets Kerri Anne), there's characterization (the stanislavski method), there are hummers, there are limos, there are utes, there are lights, there are sound systems and the biggest headache of all ….there are 30 queens.
On Saturday Trev and I went costume shopping. I got mine sorted out rather quickly. Short beyond belief denim skirt with pink wig and camel cowboy boots and FO fake CC sunglasses. I found myself in the K Mart Plus Size women's section trying to measure up white slapper strapless tops. Me with a beard in bonds singlet and footy shorts trying on women's clothing…..what has happened to my life? I settled on the size 18.
We attended the Mardi Gras float orientation day on Sunday where representatives from each of the 150 floats were required to attend to collect registration papers and instructions for the actual night of the parade. There are ten thousand people in the parade this year…..INSANE! Back to back, the floats stretch for 4 and a half kilometers. It is by far the biggest street parade in the world (I thought Rio Carnivale was but apparently it's not held in a street!). Gimme Gimme Britney is located in block J of the parade, which is the third block from the end. This is good for us because the biggest floats this year are towards the end of the parade….and we need all the help we can get.
I have to say I was very impressed with the organization and the work of the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras……everyone in the organization has volunteered their time and the work involved is on a massive scale. The Mardi Gras Festival and Parade brings an estimated $100 million to the NSW economy in February and as Marcus Bourget, the chairman of Mardi Gras, stated on Sunday, the NSW Government (or the Federal Government for that matter) donates absolutely nothing to the Mardi Gras. Considering the Sydney Festival was given $1.1 million this year from state government coffers (not to mention the Catholic Youth Mass to be held in August receiving a wopping $40 million), Mardi Gras's lack of state funding is shameful. Something tells me though, while NSW has a Catholic Italian premier in power, nothing much is going to change.
So following our float rec day, everyone involved in the float gathered at Trev's place (30 queens in a small space ….don't ask…) in Darlington to rehearse what we will be actually doing in the parade. The float (which it isn't really….it is 30 people following a ute….anyhoo) will be set to the soundtrack of Britney's Gimme Gimme More. The Britney's when they are not being their designated character, will be doing a little bit of a catwalk shuffle so to speak. Thankfully Gimme Gimme More is basically a march; so Trev's catwalk choreography fits perfectly and (thank god for me) quite simple. The more beer we drank, the more extravagant the dance moves became. While we are doing all these dance moves, we are of course being hounded by the paparazzi who also seemed to become more aggressive the more we drank. It all looked pretty darn good but then again we were all pretty darn drunk by the end of it….so we probably looked like Brown's Cows.
I also had to break the dreadful news that we were going to have to let the stretch Chrysler go. Our idea originally involved the Britneys being draped over a stretch hummer. Our failure to locate a stretch hummer for free turned into borrowing a friend's Hummer (obviously not one of my friends) into Dr Paul (trev's partner) convincing Star Limos to lend us a new stretch Chrysler for the night. That was all very exciting and glam until we realized that we still had no where to put the sound system and generator (to power said sound system). It was first decided that we would simply get a trolley for the sound system and someone could push it. I looked at oxford street Saturday afternoon……….oxford street is pretty much a hill; whoever pushed this trolley with the sound system would be calling an ambulance by the time they reached Taylor Square (half way point). It would be too much to expect one person to push a sound system all the way to the end of the parade. …..although they would be looking rather toned by the time they got there just in time for the party…..pity they would also be dead. So the limo has to go; we are only allowed one vehicle for Mardi Gras and we need the sound system more than we need the limo. This was met with gasps from many of the Britneys but as I put to them, it was either do a dance music-less Marcel Marceau style around a long shiney vehicle or doing a dance to some hot sexy music and getting the crowd right into it. They agreed……so bye bye stretch Chrysler. Hello black 4wd truck ………which I think is just as sexy.
Every day this week has been endless emails, phone calls, text messages about costumes, wigs, strobe lights, sound systems, tarpaulins, meetings, rehearsals, handbags, people dropping out, people dropping in, make up artists dropping out then dropping back in……….why are human beings so raddy indecisive??????? Am sure there is a foxtel reality show in this somewhere.
No more Mardi Gras float talk………will provide review after the car crash on Saturday. Happy Mardi Gras everyone!
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