A Valentine's Lament

.....oh look I've written a pome!

Where are my flowers
Where are my candles
I was expecting you draped over a barrel
Where are my violins
Where are my chocolates
Don't forget I don't like mint

You should be here by now
Tanned and square jawed smiling
Buttocks buffed and teeth set shining
Cufflinked and ready for dining
A Tom Ford brood with a Clooney smirk
A Selleck chest with a Gibson butt.

You should be here by now
I must contact my doorman
I ordered you back in 94
From that catalogue entitled More
You were set in a terry toweller
Holding an ab buster between your thighs
Free with you if I used my visa
Quickly within the hour

You should be here by now
Available in white black or coffee
I like a blend who doesn't ?
I simply ordered the latter
You were perfect for the drapes
My soft furnishings and lamps
You were programmed to be polite
Dirty and not too camp.

You should be here by now
I'm all dressed up
Resisting the nowhere to go
The dinner is ruined
Not to mention my hair
Should I cancel the butler?
The stripper and the laird?
I'm absolutely furious
Although hardly surprised

I've placed orders for you before
Last week
Last month
Last year
Last century
And still there is no knock at the door

No Sweet Valentines at the bus stop
No underwear in the bathroom
No I love you's on the phone
No arguments at dinner
No morning glories at home
No night time waltzes

No snuggles at midnight
No spooning at 4
No breakfasts in bed
No afternoon papers
No bottles of wine and you
No you at all

You should be here by now
But I guess you're not coming
What a damned bl**dy pity
I loved you so very much
You fitted in marvellously
And I still hope you will get in touch


C